Saturday, 23 April 2011

Tan that does what it says on the tin

Anna Sui S/S 'll (

I love the British heatwave and I hate it at the same time. I am completely in awe of women who have the confidence to strip down to barely nothing, as soon as the sun pokes out from behind a cloud- they seem to make a miraculous transition from winter sexiness, to summer nubility- perfect mani/pedi, leg-hair free and with gently tousled summer tresses.

I seem to lack that particular gene and this, combined with cellulite, porcelain (translates as pasty) skin and a complex about my short legs, means that a heatwave gives me butterflies in my stomach of the most unpleasant kind. I started trying to layer up the fake tan two weeks ago, using dry tanning mist for pale skin every day to build up a bit of a glow. Today I switched to the medium-dark version, as two weeks of spraying has made literally no difference to my skin tone. Not only am I sun resistant (fortunately I don't burn either) but I'm stain resistant! I suppose I should be grateful that I'm not orange but I would like to look slightly less like a an extra from the 'Crimson Petal and the White'.

I haven't managed to have a successful professional spray tan yet either, last time I went for one, I got rained on and ended up on the bus with rivulets of dirty tea stain water running down my face and body, which was very amusing for the rest of the 390 bus passengers, but not for me. I used sunbeds for a few weeks when I was 19 successfully but self-preservation instincts, as well as deep-rooted vanity about wrinkles means that the risks associated with them long-term have stopped me trying them again, as I am older and wiser.

So what is to be done to overcome my wan appearance? Does anyone have any recommendations for a fake tan that isn't orange, isn't over £20 a tin and works? The fact is, everyone does look better with a bit of a tan but not everyone has the cash to blow on professionally applied 'sun-kissed' skin. Also, has anyone noticed that products like 'Holiday Skin' smell like fried potatoes? All the daily moisturisers with a tint, just make you smell like a holiday to Bognor Regis, hardly the desirable effect.

Anyway, if I don't solve this problem soon, the chances of me getting my legs out for more than 30 minutes in broad daylight are slim. I know I should be less vain and that half of beauty, is confidence and poise but I would like a little poise in a tin please, just to get me out the door in a pair of shorts (and so my baby son doesn't mistake me for a giant custard cream and try and eat me).


  1. I totally understand where you're coming from! I'm naturally olive skinned but that doesn't mean I don't get pale, I just go yellow instead of white!

    At the moment I use 'Urban Retreat Ultra Fast Tan':

    It's honestly the best fake tan I've ever used as it looks so natural. I definitely recommend it :)


  2. What a lovely blog! I use Egypt Wonder which looks like tea stain going on but works well once rubbed in. However I might be trying the recommendation above now! Thanks for visiting and comment on my make-up bag clearout vlog!

  3. Thanks Nina, personal recommendations are always the best and my friend's all pretend they are above fake tan, so glad to finally get a pointer!

  4. Thanks Kate, I cleared out the make up bag this morning. My one year old is especially pleased, as he ended up with his very own makeup bag full of discarded pots (he loves emptying and filling things up at the moment)- the baby safe ones of course. He looks much better in green eye shadow than me.

  5. OK. I read the strangest thing the other day - but on a respected website. I'm also crazy pale and resistant to fake tanning so I perked up when I saw an article on how to fake it naturally.

    The article said that eating a diet rich in beta-carotene is not only good for you but gives your skin a golden glow that is more attractive than a real tan. I havent' figured out how much you have to eat though, that might be the problem. :)